 |
| Source: fdwallpapers.com |
I used to say to myself, “What the devil have you got to be proud about, Marilyn Monroe?” And I’d answer, “Everything, everything”
I’ve
always been intrigued by Marilyn. Yes, I use the word ‘intrigue’ because that’s
truly just how I ever felt towards her. Unlike the popular sentiment of
‘struck’ that by and large most people felt for her. I felt intrigued by her
way before I ever got acquainted with her uber glamorous body of work, way
before my father hung paintings of her and definitely way before I saw Michelle
Williams portray her in the biopic “My Week With Marilyn’ albeit
unconvincingly, not because of her lack of talent but purely because its really
difficult to replicate the glory of the picturesque Monroe…thereby making
her eternal.
always been intrigued by Marilyn. Yes, I use the word ‘intrigue’ because that’s
truly just how I ever felt towards her. Unlike the popular sentiment of
‘struck’ that by and large most people felt for her. I felt intrigued by her
way before I ever got acquainted with her uber glamorous body of work, way
before my father hung paintings of her and definitely way before I saw Michelle
Williams portray her in the biopic “My Week With Marilyn’ albeit
unconvincingly, not because of her lack of talent but purely because its really
difficult to replicate the glory of the picturesque Monroe…thereby making
her eternal.
.jpg) |
| Source: covergirlandconverse.blogspot.com |
Wouldn’t it be nice to be like men and get notches in your belt and sleep with most attractive men and not get emotionally involved?
I
am convinced that there can never be another Marilyn, not just
aesthetically but also integrally, she truly was her own person. An
amalgamation of extreme polarities that were bundled up together, a stark
contrast of two personalities woven into one single magical entity. That I
am a fan would be the greatest understatement…being her fan is but a spec of
the myriad emotions I feel for her. She had the unique ability to draw both
envy and affection, anger and compassion, repulsion and endearment from one and
all. Me being no different. Everytime I would stare at her painting hung proudly
on my living room, I envied and hated her…not because of her volcanic
s3xuality and ethereal beauty but purely because it made me feel so inferior. I
would stare at her painting for hours on end whilst my parents were out
working…just to try and imagine how it felt to be so gorgeous. Most part of
my life I dealt with being overweight and aspired to grow upto be a desirable
woman thinking that when that occurs I may just get a miniscule glimpse of the
life she led everyday and that it would make me happy and compel for people to
feel some sort of envy for me.
am convinced that there can never be another Marilyn, not just
aesthetically but also integrally, she truly was her own person. An
amalgamation of extreme polarities that were bundled up together, a stark
contrast of two personalities woven into one single magical entity. That I
am a fan would be the greatest understatement…being her fan is but a spec of
the myriad emotions I feel for her. She had the unique ability to draw both
envy and affection, anger and compassion, repulsion and endearment from one and
all. Me being no different. Everytime I would stare at her painting hung proudly
on my living room, I envied and hated her…not because of her volcanic
s3xuality and ethereal beauty but purely because it made me feel so inferior. I
would stare at her painting for hours on end whilst my parents were out
working…just to try and imagine how it felt to be so gorgeous. Most part of
my life I dealt with being overweight and aspired to grow upto be a desirable
woman thinking that when that occurs I may just get a miniscule glimpse of the
life she led everyday and that it would make me happy and compel for people to
feel some sort of envy for me.
 |
| Source: emmathereplicator.blogspot.com |
A career is wonderful, but you can’t curl up with it on a cold night.
I
did grow upto my aspirations and yet found no solace and that’s when I returned
to my muse to figure just what lay beneath her manic beauty. Beauty comes at a
price, to put it mildly. People are very quick to write you off or care to know
you better when you are blessed with beauty purely because beauty by nature is
only skin deep hence fails to intrigue people beyond the skin. I voraciously
began reading up about her life in a hope to understand the legend of her
‘being’ closely. It really did shock me to learn of just how manically
depressive she was but in a way it also gave me a sense of comfort in knowing
that.my rationale being that when one is blessed so enormously there should
rightly be a price to pay. As I look around and observe the lives of various
people I realize that a blessing is a double edged sword and everyone pays a
price for each of their blessings. I’ve seen intelligent people pay a price of
restlessness due to their nature of thinking excessively and being over
analytical. I’ve seen beautiful girls pay a price of several heartbreaks
because their lovers fail to feel secure about them and in turn trying to break
them just to feel reassured, I’ve seen affluent people pay a price of
discontentment and desperately and ironically only looking for things that
money can’t ever buy. I guess this is how God’s humor counterbalances our human
lives.
did grow upto my aspirations and yet found no solace and that’s when I returned
to my muse to figure just what lay beneath her manic beauty. Beauty comes at a
price, to put it mildly. People are very quick to write you off or care to know
you better when you are blessed with beauty purely because beauty by nature is
only skin deep hence fails to intrigue people beyond the skin. I voraciously
began reading up about her life in a hope to understand the legend of her
‘being’ closely. It really did shock me to learn of just how manically
depressive she was but in a way it also gave me a sense of comfort in knowing
that.my rationale being that when one is blessed so enormously there should
rightly be a price to pay. As I look around and observe the lives of various
people I realize that a blessing is a double edged sword and everyone pays a
price for each of their blessings. I’ve seen intelligent people pay a price of
restlessness due to their nature of thinking excessively and being over
analytical. I’ve seen beautiful girls pay a price of several heartbreaks
because their lovers fail to feel secure about them and in turn trying to break
them just to feel reassured, I’ve seen affluent people pay a price of
discontentment and desperately and ironically only looking for things that
money can’t ever buy. I guess this is how God’s humor counterbalances our human
lives.
 |
| Source: favim.com |
I’m a failure as a woman. My men expect so much of me, because of the image they’ve made of me and that I’ve made of myself, as a s3x symbol. Men expect so much, and I can’t live up to it.
The
more I read on Marilyn the more I realized just how simplistic her desires from
life were…she was but every woman who only just wanted to be loved and yet
that’s the one thing she never found amidst her boundless celebrity.
It’s the greatest of paradox when despite being the alpha woman with cloying admirers
you still fail to find one true lov3r. Sometimes happiness is just not meant to
be…for the most extra ordinary of individuals it only remains an endless chase
of a non-existential mirage. It’s quite uncanny how simpletons are the happiest
as oppose to the thinkers. Marilyn definitely was a thinker contradictory to
the popular belief. I read quotes by her quite often, somehow they give me a
better sense of her…a sort of insight into her complex yet unusual soul. It’s
fascinating perhaps in a perverse way how a person can lead a life swinging
between such an extreme polarity on a daily basis. On the one hand she was
irreplaceable, almost a demi goddess while on the other she was helpless and
hollow always almost imploring for someone/anyone to truly love her. It’s the
latter years of her life that are the most enticing for me ,her constant
conflict with her mental illness…her fluctuating yet undying resilience. The
stark contrast of her rising fame as oppose to her rapid personal decline. It’s
impossible to even fathom what leading such a life can do to a person who is
constantly the cynosure of an entire generation. How much can one hide, how
much can one make-belief. In the end you have to stand stark and nak3d with
your soul behind closed doors and that by far can be the most difficult of all
confrontations. It’s primarily this reason why, I think, she preferred losing
herself to the world and the people in it. Sometimes we love people not purely
for love but perhaps because they help us in dodging off our demons even if temporarily
and provide an escape. Many people are quick to conclude and term her as
mentally ill but I beg to differ. In my opinion you can only call someone ill
when are dysfunctional. Any person who incessantly tries to pick up their
broken pieces in an attempt to resurrect themselves is anything but mentally
ill. Any person who depicts perennial resilience cannot be termed ‘ill’. She
was never seen as anything other than a s3x symbol, considered ditsy even, however,
multiple reports over decades confirm her to having a very high IQ. There’s
nothing more difficult for a woman with a potent mind to endure constant
prejudice consequentially enforcing the title of ‘bimbette’, there’s nothing
more infuriating than to be a victim of false belief and there’s nothing more
difficult to accept that and wear a garb confirming that fallacy, yet
there’s nothing smarter than playing along knowing that it would perhaps be the
only way to gain validity, there’s nothing more intelligent to convincingly portray
being unintelligent when at the core of your being its quite the other extreme.
I think in her fabricated superstructure she found her haven. She wanted
stardom nevermind the price she had to pay…virtually almost selling her soul
to the ‘larger than life’ persona of ‘Marilyn’ is what the orphan girl Norma
jean had to do. After all who was she to contest that barter when she wished
for it so bad in the first place…as they say, great rewards only always come
with great sacrifices.
more I read on Marilyn the more I realized just how simplistic her desires from
life were…she was but every woman who only just wanted to be loved and yet
that’s the one thing she never found amidst her boundless celebrity.
It’s the greatest of paradox when despite being the alpha woman with cloying admirers
you still fail to find one true lov3r. Sometimes happiness is just not meant to
be…for the most extra ordinary of individuals it only remains an endless chase
of a non-existential mirage. It’s quite uncanny how simpletons are the happiest
as oppose to the thinkers. Marilyn definitely was a thinker contradictory to
the popular belief. I read quotes by her quite often, somehow they give me a
better sense of her…a sort of insight into her complex yet unusual soul. It’s
fascinating perhaps in a perverse way how a person can lead a life swinging
between such an extreme polarity on a daily basis. On the one hand she was
irreplaceable, almost a demi goddess while on the other she was helpless and
hollow always almost imploring for someone/anyone to truly love her. It’s the
latter years of her life that are the most enticing for me ,her constant
conflict with her mental illness…her fluctuating yet undying resilience. The
stark contrast of her rising fame as oppose to her rapid personal decline. It’s
impossible to even fathom what leading such a life can do to a person who is
constantly the cynosure of an entire generation. How much can one hide, how
much can one make-belief. In the end you have to stand stark and nak3d with
your soul behind closed doors and that by far can be the most difficult of all
confrontations. It’s primarily this reason why, I think, she preferred losing
herself to the world and the people in it. Sometimes we love people not purely
for love but perhaps because they help us in dodging off our demons even if temporarily
and provide an escape. Many people are quick to conclude and term her as
mentally ill but I beg to differ. In my opinion you can only call someone ill
when are dysfunctional. Any person who incessantly tries to pick up their
broken pieces in an attempt to resurrect themselves is anything but mentally
ill. Any person who depicts perennial resilience cannot be termed ‘ill’. She
was never seen as anything other than a s3x symbol, considered ditsy even, however,
multiple reports over decades confirm her to having a very high IQ. There’s
nothing more difficult for a woman with a potent mind to endure constant
prejudice consequentially enforcing the title of ‘bimbette’, there’s nothing
more infuriating than to be a victim of false belief and there’s nothing more
difficult to accept that and wear a garb confirming that fallacy, yet
there’s nothing smarter than playing along knowing that it would perhaps be the
only way to gain validity, there’s nothing more intelligent to convincingly portray
being unintelligent when at the core of your being its quite the other extreme.
I think in her fabricated superstructure she found her haven. She wanted
stardom nevermind the price she had to pay…virtually almost selling her soul
to the ‘larger than life’ persona of ‘Marilyn’ is what the orphan girl Norma
jean had to do. After all who was she to contest that barter when she wished
for it so bad in the first place…as they say, great rewards only always come
with great sacrifices.
 |
| Source: thefashiontag.wordpress.com |
I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I never had belonged to anything or anyone else.
I
often ponder if I would ever trade my soul for something I want all too
desperately and the answer always rings in the negative, not because I am so
righteous but because I am too big a coward to let go of my ‘image’ of me,
perhaps its almost like amputating your ego. Ego is the most precious of all
possessions for every thinking being. Therefore, it calls for an insane amount
of courage to trade your
soul away…Marilyn was quite that courageous, she was brave enough to let go of
herself knowing all too well that she’d be nothing but a hollow, one that would
eventually spread and grow to finally consume her completely. Yet she could go
through with that exchange…she willingly accepted her destruction in order to
accomplish her dreams. Marilyn maybe a mere “subject’ for most people
considering the infinite so called ‘studies’ conducted upon her post her death
in the contemplation and greed to unveil the fragility tumultuous mental state
as if to make a circus for the human population to be a spectator to. To me
Marilyn stands as my hero…a woman with courage par measure, a woman with
acceptance of her grandiose status as also her exceptional misfortune in
finding love just the same. She may have fallen prey to her innate demons but
what’s inspiring is that she fought them till her very end. It doesn’t matter, the
consequence. What matters is your bravado and she was brave despite all odds
she rose to soar heights that are inconceivable by any. She lived a dream; no
excuses, no defeat! She will remain to be the greatest cinematic legend not
just because of her beauty but because of her skill to turn her greatest curse
into her unique most boon. She will be unforgotten not because of her
incomprehensible fame but because of how skillfully she masked her loneliness
amidst all the frenzy. She will remain unparalleled not because of her overtly
alluring s3xuality but her vulnerable, childlike innocence. Marilyn was so many
persons living within one and yet of all her personality verticals, she was
none. My stance on her painting has certainly changed. Her painting still hangs
but not in the living room anymore. It now hangs in my personal space, my room.
Every morning as I wake upto her godly self, I look beyond her glassy eyes
dripping sensuality, I search beyond her ambrosial lips, I try and gauge
beneath her alabaster skin…and I draw inspiration and assure myself that
despite ones demons, despite ones misfortune…one can still go onto become
everything they ever wanted to be. That life may not be as perfect as we
anticipated, but life is worthwhile still…and dreams are precious, for in the
end your dreams are all you’ll ever be. Thank you Marilyn for being my hero…i
know I can never be you…but nevertheless my quest will ensue.
often ponder if I would ever trade my soul for something I want all too
desperately and the answer always rings in the negative, not because I am so
righteous but because I am too big a coward to let go of my ‘image’ of me,
perhaps its almost like amputating your ego. Ego is the most precious of all
possessions for every thinking being. Therefore, it calls for an insane amount
of courage to trade your
soul away…Marilyn was quite that courageous, she was brave enough to let go of
herself knowing all too well that she’d be nothing but a hollow, one that would
eventually spread and grow to finally consume her completely. Yet she could go
through with that exchange…she willingly accepted her destruction in order to
accomplish her dreams. Marilyn maybe a mere “subject’ for most people
considering the infinite so called ‘studies’ conducted upon her post her death
in the contemplation and greed to unveil the fragility tumultuous mental state
as if to make a circus for the human population to be a spectator to. To me
Marilyn stands as my hero…a woman with courage par measure, a woman with
acceptance of her grandiose status as also her exceptional misfortune in
finding love just the same. She may have fallen prey to her innate demons but
what’s inspiring is that she fought them till her very end. It doesn’t matter, the
consequence. What matters is your bravado and she was brave despite all odds
she rose to soar heights that are inconceivable by any. She lived a dream; no
excuses, no defeat! She will remain to be the greatest cinematic legend not
just because of her beauty but because of her skill to turn her greatest curse
into her unique most boon. She will be unforgotten not because of her
incomprehensible fame but because of how skillfully she masked her loneliness
amidst all the frenzy. She will remain unparalleled not because of her overtly
alluring s3xuality but her vulnerable, childlike innocence. Marilyn was so many
persons living within one and yet of all her personality verticals, she was
none. My stance on her painting has certainly changed. Her painting still hangs
but not in the living room anymore. It now hangs in my personal space, my room.
Every morning as I wake upto her godly self, I look beyond her glassy eyes
dripping sensuality, I search beyond her ambrosial lips, I try and gauge
beneath her alabaster skin…and I draw inspiration and assure myself that
despite ones demons, despite ones misfortune…one can still go onto become
everything they ever wanted to be. That life may not be as perfect as we
anticipated, but life is worthwhile still…and dreams are precious, for in the
end your dreams are all you’ll ever be. Thank you Marilyn for being my hero…i
know I can never be you…but nevertheless my quest will ensue.
©
Pankhuri Awasthi
 |
| Source: pictures-of-marilyn-monroe.blogspot.com |
.jpg) |
| Source: emmathereplicator.blogspot.in |
– Layout Design & Editing by Shikha Agarwal
